Sunday, November 13, 2011

I Own the Air

I have always known I am capable of great things and I have finally had the breakthrough of a lifetime. To increase my wealth and eventually become the richest person on the Earth, in an effort to clean dirty air, water and land I claim ownership of AIR!!!

My terms of use are simple and not very complex. If you want to breathe you must pay a reasonable fee of $3 per hour for as long as you want and for that hour you are welcome to inhale and exhale as many times as you can. Everyone on the planet, who is alive, and seeks access to air, call my people and they will draw up a contract. However, there is one person who I feel I just cannot do business with. Party Majority Leader in the U. S. House of Representatives Eric Cantor will have to find his own source of air which will be neigh impossible since I own it all.

If Monsanto wishes for pollen from its Genetically Modified Organisims to be carried aloft then they will have to contact my people and negotiate a fair price of say, $10 per grain of pollen. Otherwise they must move swiftly to eradicate all of their "Franken Crops" across the globe.

Polluters? You are not exempt from this rule. Cough up the cash or close your doors. It's that simple. Automobile manufacturers would pay a sliding scale price based on my mood for that day. For example the number of cars that rolled of the assembly line times 100 equals beaucoup bucks. Muwhaha, muwhaHA, MUWHAHA! Hopefully they will then find the impetus to switch fully their line of vehicles over to hydrogen or electric.

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